By: Julie Nash
With tears in my eyes, I wrote those words in my notebook a couple of weeks ago. It was not a “my shirt is inside out” moment – it was a “God, what am I doing” kind of moment. I was working with one of the boys at Kelly’s House and we weren’t having a good day. Here’s a little glimpse—he grabbed the printer on the desk and broke a piece off quicker than I could even move. So, we went for a walk. When we came back, he pulled the fan down. I was ready this time.. or so I thought. As I grabbed the back of the fan, it sucked my hair in.. all of this witnessed by several of Kelly’s workers. Failure with embarrassment, it brings the situation to a whole new level. I felt totally unequipped. After taking him back to his room, I sat down and wrote what I was feeling—total failure. I started to pray and in my vulnerability, I told the Lord honestly that I am not afraid to fail, but I sure don’t want to quit. I realized that God needed to get me to this place. In this place of total surrender, I was filled with the words in found in 2 Corinthians 12:9—
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
The enemy uses our failures against us. I was ready to tell the director that I just could not work with this fella anymore. But God assured me, as He has so many times, His grace is enough. God uses our weakness as a tool to manifest His power. Have I made any great strides? Not yet, but God has shown me that this young man is so precious to Him. So this week, when we took a walk and I noticed how content he was, I realized that little by little, God is using him to change me. So we hopped on the Polaris and took a ride with Mark and my heart was full.